Who are you?

     I have been challenged by this question for as long as I can remember. The youngest in the family, I was identified either by my parents or older siblings and now that I’m married and a mom, I am identified by my husband and children. To be completely honest I don’t have a problem with that, I adore my husband and children. I just struggle to establish who I am in the midst of those connections and to be happy with that identity.

     It is a challenge to get away from those connections being your only identity. It makes me think of the Old Testament where this person begat that person and they begat and they begat. The lineage goes back for generations upon generations, and while one’s character begins from the raising up received by one’s parents that is not who that person is. If you read further you see that they are then identified or defined by the character that is revealed of them through the challenges they are faced with and the choices they make. (Psalm 139:13) God knits that character into us from the moment we were conceived. He knows the challenges and joys we will face. He has prepared us, given us the equipment we need to endure, we need only to ask Him for the key to unlock the shed that holds the equipment. Then we need to ask Him to teach us how to use it.

     As a mom my days go by so fast that I barely have time to get a shower in before lunch. So often I spend my day feeling like I’m just trying to catch up. I have access to the shed, the doors are open and I pull out the equipment I’m familiar with and know how to use but often it is the wrong tool for the job. I have found that the more I seek God to help me know myself the better wife and mom I am. I become more aware of my own strengths and weaknesses. The character you display directly affects the character of your child or children. If you are someone who constantly worries would you be surprised if your child has difficulty trusting?

     Try to keep the distinction between “who” and “what”. The answer to “Who” you are should be completely different from the answer for “What” you are.

     “What are you?” I’ll give you my answer it might be very similar to yours. “I am a woman. I am a wife, a mom, a daughter....” I’m sure from there our answers may differ. Now I want you to answer, “Who are you?” I’m not giving you my answer for this one. This is for you to figure out, write it down or speak it out loud.

     So, “Who are you?” It is a seemingly innocuous question. I am (insert your name here) that should be it, end of story.

     Can you identify your own character? What makes you a blessing to your husband, children, friends, church, community… what is it about you that brings glory to God?

     I think ultimately that should be the path we take in discovering who we each are. What equipment has God given me? Have I put myself out there so He has to show me how to use it? When I do end up using it, is it all to His glory? That is when you know who you are. And in discovering that, ironically you’ll learn that no matter how well you know yourself, He knows you better.

     Over this last year we have explored the blessings of encouragement through this blog. Moms have posted about their challenges, and victories. In each posting a little bit of the character of a woman of God has been revealed. I have learned much about myself this past year as I occasionally contributed to the M.O.M. blog and that has been an unexpected and pleasant side effect. When we started it up last September the biggest purpose was to create a community online in which some moms could share their unique struggles or encouragement to the other moms at Bethany. I hope it has done that. I hope and pray that the blog posts over this past year have been an encouragement to whoever has read them. I pray that those readers have been blessed and challenged to strive forward in their own walks with the Lord and their families.

Ephesians 4

How does your garden grow?

We want our children to grow up rooted in Christ. We have ideas about how we want to shape them to become men and women of good character. We want to teach them how to make the right choices in this life.

We have some basic routines in place to help them mature into men and women of God. We might read them the bible everyday and pray for them and with them… or at least have the intention to. We have good ideas of how we can even do a better job of this, and yet many of us struggle as we put it off until an opportune time… which probably never comes.

Parenting is often spur of the moment. Deal with each circumstance as it occurs, when it is brought to our attention or as we find the time in our busy schedules. I often wish I could slow time down and learn how to better be more purposeful in my parenting.

The other day I made some time to do some much needed gardening and this is when I began to reflect on what I am writing about today. My garden is a good example of something that gets neglected until the weeds move in and everything is overgrown. I definitely lack purpose and planning in my garden. Most of it was just there when we moved in and some of it has planted itself throughout the years. It is not until it gets really hot out that I think to water it. It is not until it is overgrown that I think to prune it. And it is not until the weeds overtake it that I think to pull them out.

What a difference it makes when it is weeded… the soil freshly turned… the flowers in bloom… it can be very beautiful. But it takes more then just a day of hard work… it is a continual process. It takes a lot of time. It is a daily effort.

As I was pruning I began to think about how God prunes us, shaping us to be the godly children, wives and mothers He intends us to be. He is very purposeful with us, and He is there to prune us as needed. Whether we are in our 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's… we are all very much like a flower blooming in a garden (and I'm sure this analogy is not new). I think about my own faith journey and how sometimes it blooms beautifully, while other times it needs pruning, and still other times the weeds creep in.

How thankful I am that I have God as an example of the perfect parent.

Thank you Father for always being there to help us grow to be more like Christ. Help us make the time for our spiritual growth and the spiritual growth of our children. Shape our priorities to be in order of what is eternally important.

Amen

complaining...

I was recently challenged to make a positive change in my life and in the life of those around me and STOP COMPLAINING. I don't think I complain more then the average person but after quite a few days I must say that not complaining is actually proving to be very difficult. I have not made it 24 hours so far without complaining, gossiping or criticizing.

I am wearing a purple bracelet on my wrist to remind me not to complain and I am praying that the Holy Spirit will transform my heart so that I can be more thankful and less negative. If you want more information about becoming complaint free you can visit this website: www.acomplaintfreeworld.org (whole churches have taken this on as a challenge and there is a sermon you can download with applicable verses as to why we shouldn't complain).

Now here is what I have realized in this short time about what I complain about and what other moms around me complain about. Our KIDS! As I began paying more attention to what comes out of my mouth I was surprised to find how often my complaints relate to something my kids have done (or have not done). It seems to be a major part of how we interact. We even compare and compete about how "bad" our kids are or how "horrible" our week is going. Often we justify complaining by labelling it as "venting" which may sometimes be the case but either way I think this is one habit that we need to "kick."

Ever complain about how much your kids complain? I know I have! They complain about what's for dinner, what they want to do, what they don't want to do… right? I wonder where they picked that up from?

We LOVE our kids so lets lift them up and set an example of how to be thankful in all circumstances for the good things God has blessed us so abundantly with. Let's build up our fellow MOM friends with encouraging words.

Food for Thought

     Before Breakfast was even over I was reminded again how badly my children are in need of a detox from sweets. Lately they have a bad case of the "Give-me's. If they get dessert... they want seconds. One cookie never seems to be enough. "I want, I want, I want!" (I'm beginning to wonder if I sound to God like my children sound to me)."

     With the season of Lent approaching I've decided it is time for our whole family to make a sacrifice for the purpose of drawing closer to God. Okay, I've probably lost some of you with that last sentence. You may be wondering how giving up sweets (especially chocolate) can help us draw closer to God. I think (and hope) this can be accomplished in a few ways.

     I want my children to be more thankful for their blessings... in particular the healthy food we have an abundance of (as well as the occasional treats). We don't truly know the meaning of the word "hungry" (though we tend to use it on a daily basis)... a little self sacrifice can go a long way if we do it meaningfully. I would never even begin to compare Christ's Sacrifice on the cross with giving up sweets for 40 days but I pray that through the process we will become more aware of how blessed we are and how thoroughly God provides for our daily needs. I also pray that we would begin to show more gratitude and thankfulness to God for his many blessings as well as to others who bless us with their time and thoughtfulness.

     I do want this to be a meaningful process so one other thing I would like to add is some different prayers at meal times. I plan to teach my kids a few more "standard" prayers but mostly I hope to expand on our spontaneous prayers at the dinner table. We often default to the same prayer and I know it can lose meaning when it just becomes habit. My oldest sometimes gets upset when we don't default to our usual prayer for saying grace. I think this will be a good opportunity to build on this special time of saying Thank You to God... as well as adding to this important family time together.

     Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the season of Lent and this year it falls on February 22nd. I've given up a few different things for Lent in the past but this is my first attempt at involving my whole family in the process. I am looking forward to 40 days of preparation and reflection as we look forward to celebrating Christ's Resurrection and all He accomplished for us on Easter Sunday.

What do you feed your dog?

How can I feed the dog which brings life, health, righteousness, and joy?  This thought has been percolating in my mind ever since Sunday’s message regarding renewing our minds.  I put my ipod on this morning to listen to while vacuuming, and what song do you suppose was playing?  “Think on These Things” by Petra.  So, as I sucked up dust bunnies, toast crumbs, and dirt from muddy shoes, I heard “...there’s a danger waiting - thoughts held in captivity.  The vain imaginations that long to be set free – I hold the key, with thoughts of purity.  Whatever things are pure and true, I want to think on these things.”  It is songs like these, inspired by scripture (Philippians 4:8) that help me feed the dog that I want to win!  What I’ve been telling my son is a truth of life found in the Bible – your attitude makes all the difference!  What are the thoughts that I need to take captive, and which thoughts do I need to consciously dwell upon?  What about critical, negative thoughts about my spouse?  Have you ever been out with a group of women friends, and had the conversation turn to complaining about husbands?  Sometimes it is in jest, but the things we laugh at say a lot about our own minds and our own thinking!  Why is it so much easier to complain than to encourage and uplift?  Maybe it’s because it’s not as funny to say, “You know, my husband is not perfect, but he is really a great father – he loves the kids and spends as much time with them as he can,” than to say, “You should see the state of the house when my husband stays home for a day!”  Gordon Necemer in his Sunday School class yesterday made a comment about what a privilege it is to give a portion of the earnings God has blessed him with to the government, so that they can provide police, fire fighters, medical care, well-tended roads, parks, community programs, etc.  When’s the last time you heard an attitude like that about income tax?!  It certainly challenged me – it’s so easy to fall into ‘worldly’ attitudes towards taxes – give as little as possible, and complain as much as possible about it!   “Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind.”  Romans 12:2 (Good News translation).  Where in your life, in your daily tasks, do you need a complete change of your mind?  In your attitude towards a teacher?  A coach?  A doctor?  A co-worker?  Perhaps towards another follower of Christ?  This morning in my devotions I read a quote that said, “Religion can provide a way to avoid the harsh facts of our experience, or it can be a means of living into the unpleasant actuality with reasonable hope.”  It’s a matter of attitude – of conforming our minds to think on what is right, pure, true, noble, lovely, and honourable, giving us hope, rather than a means of escape.  God calls us to change the way we think about life, about our experiences - to think with hope, because he wants to give us abundant life, here and now.  That’s how I can feed the dog I want to win – the dog which brings life.

Seasons change - God is constant

No matter how old you are, sometimes you just don't feel "mature" enough to handle things. I look in the mirror, and it doesn't lie about my age, but somehow I just feel like I'm still 29. You always hear the statement, "Where has the time gone?" or "I don't feel my age". Believe me somedays I do feel my age, but in my head I rarely feel the maturity of a 47 year old. I can remember when I was in my 20's and thinking how old I would be when we welcome in the new millenium. I calculated I'd be 35. Wow, I thought, I'd be "pretty old" and I wondered how I would behave, feel, matured at that age. I have to honestly say, I feel no different then as now except to say I have had more life experiences now and have seen the beauty of watching our children grow and blossom into adulthood. This journey of watching how God can use our children to train, guide, develop them into the people he had planned them to be is marvelous. My husband and I continually look at each other and say not by our might, but by yours Lord. We are amazed and grateful for the journey He has taken us on and continues to take us on. Our daughter is in her 3rd year of university and growing in her faith in amazing ways. She is teaching and inspiring us now (a little role reversal). It is quite amazing to look back and see how the role of mother changes as our children grow up. I know people always say "they grow up so fast" and really they do. Their growth is a reminder of our growth. Their aging reminds us of our aging. Their experiences remind us of our experiences. I feel like I should still be in the Moms and Tots program at church and feel somewhat disconnected from that group of young moms and my mind can't get around why that is. Surely, I can make more of an effort to get connected but the appropriate word is "effort". I didn't need to make an effort when I had small children. It came more natural to talk about baby things when you had babies and the struggles associated with that. Don't get me wrong, I love the stage of life I'm at right now. The kids are very independent although still require me for certain things. I really can't put my finger on the moment when the changes occur when your children grow up. On one hand, I say it happens so quickly and on the other it's gradual. It's like watching the clock and not being able to see the hands moving, but they do. It's like watching the sunset, you can't see it moving when you stare at it but before you know it, it's behind the horizon. Children are like this too. Perhaps the only way you can see the growth is through photos and when they outgrow their clothing. It happens gradually, yet quickly. Through this I've learned to enjoy every moment...good with the bad. I've learned there is always opportunity to love your children. Even during those times when you are pushed to your limit. And believe me, you do need time away too. As our daughter is now living on campus, we don't see much of her. But the times we see her, oh what joy we have with one another. We enjoy the silly little things we took for granted when we saw each other all the time. Our son is in grade 11 and quite independent from us as well. The times we can sit and talk are few but when we do, oh what a blessing to see the Lord working in his life and growing him to be the man He intended him to be. Still I feel like I'm not equipped to be a mother of a 21 year old and a 16 year old and yet I am and God is walking with me daily, by my side, cheering me on saying " You can do it...you are doing it!!!" Relying on my Lord is my strength . Knowing He is the one who protects and watches over my kids when I'm not there is the security and comfort I depend on.      

Christmas Love

Christmas is almost here. What does that mean for all us mom's out there?

We all have different traditions, responsibilities and ways of celebrating but there are also a lot of common denominators when it comes to being a mom during this busy holiday season. You might be baking yourself into a frazzled frenzy (or maybe you're baking took place earlier this month), preparing grocery lists for last minute gifts and turkey dinners and likely wishing you had hired a maid for all the cleaning required if you are having company over. Chances are you will be up late wrapping presents on the 24th when you should be sleeping... only to be waken up far too early by little ones (or not so little ones) wanting to open their presents.

The list of things to get done at Christmas time is always the same from year to year but this year as my children begin to get a bit older I found myself thinking about what I wanted this special time of year to look like for my family. What I wanted to teach my children (or not teach my children for that matter) about what it really means to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. So this year we have started some new traditions. Every day in December before my kids open their advent calendars we read some verses relating to the Christmas Story. Then I have my children answer questions about what we read. At bed time we have been reading "One Wintry Night" by Ruth Bell Graham which tells the Story of Christ's birth... beginning with the reason we needed a Saviour to begin with. During the day I am doing my best to give me family gifts. Not presents to be unwrapped each day but the gifts God has given us... gifts of HOPE, PEACE, JOY, LOVE and FAITH.

I wish you ALL a very Merry Christmas as you share God's love with your families this holiday season and with the world.

I recently came across this modification of 1 Corinthians 13 and thought it was something that would be nice to share with the Mom's of Bethany...

1 Corinthians 13 – a Christmas Version

"IF I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another decorator.

IF I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another cook.

IF I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

IF I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir’s cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

LOVE stops the cooking to hug the child. Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband. Love is kind, though harried and tired. Love doesn’t envy another’s home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

LOVE doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way. Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.

LOVE bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of love will endure."