Seasons change - God is constant

No matter how old you are, sometimes you just don't feel "mature" enough to handle things. I look in the mirror, and it doesn't lie about my age, but somehow I just feel like I'm still 29. You always hear the statement, "Where has the time gone?" or "I don't feel my age". Believe me somedays I do feel my age, but in my head I rarely feel the maturity of a 47 year old. I can remember when I was in my 20's and thinking how old I would be when we welcome in the new millenium. I calculated I'd be 35. Wow, I thought, I'd be "pretty old" and I wondered how I would behave, feel, matured at that age. I have to honestly say, I feel no different then as now except to say I have had more life experiences now and have seen the beauty of watching our children grow and blossom into adulthood. This journey of watching how God can use our children to train, guide, develop them into the people he had planned them to be is marvelous. My husband and I continually look at each other and say not by our might, but by yours Lord. We are amazed and grateful for the journey He has taken us on and continues to take us on. Our daughter is in her 3rd year of university and growing in her faith in amazing ways. She is teaching and inspiring us now (a little role reversal). It is quite amazing to look back and see how the role of mother changes as our children grow up. I know people always say "they grow up so fast" and really they do. Their growth is a reminder of our growth. Their aging reminds us of our aging. Their experiences remind us of our experiences. I feel like I should still be in the Moms and Tots program at church and feel somewhat disconnected from that group of young moms and my mind can't get around why that is. Surely, I can make more of an effort to get connected but the appropriate word is "effort". I didn't need to make an effort when I had small children. It came more natural to talk about baby things when you had babies and the struggles associated with that. Don't get me wrong, I love the stage of life I'm at right now. The kids are very independent although still require me for certain things. I really can't put my finger on the moment when the changes occur when your children grow up. On one hand, I say it happens so quickly and on the other it's gradual. It's like watching the clock and not being able to see the hands moving, but they do. It's like watching the sunset, you can't see it moving when you stare at it but before you know it, it's behind the horizon. Children are like this too. Perhaps the only way you can see the growth is through photos and when they outgrow their clothing. It happens gradually, yet quickly. Through this I've learned to enjoy every moment...good with the bad. I've learned there is always opportunity to love your children. Even during those times when you are pushed to your limit. And believe me, you do need time away too. As our daughter is now living on campus, we don't see much of her. But the times we see her, oh what joy we have with one another. We enjoy the silly little things we took for granted when we saw each other all the time. Our son is in grade 11 and quite independent from us as well. The times we can sit and talk are few but when we do, oh what a blessing to see the Lord working in his life and growing him to be the man He intended him to be. Still I feel like I'm not equipped to be a mother of a 21 year old and a 16 year old and yet I am and God is walking with me daily, by my side, cheering me on saying " You can do it...you are doing it!!!" Relying on my Lord is my strength . Knowing He is the one who protects and watches over my kids when I'm not there is the security and comfort I depend on.